New Beginnings

My thoughts go back to May 4th.
I'm sitting in my car, summoning my courage to kick in.
"I can do this..."
Three weeks ahead of me. How will I react to the IV chemo? Will I fly by or be one of the "problem children"?
Lots of questions. Lots of unknown.

Fast forward. As is the case every time, each day happened. Morning - evening. A new day. Every day.

I did fly by. My body responded to the IV nutrients and chemo without incident. My blood test results caused my doctors to smile. I met new friends - compatriots on the same journey of healing.

Three weeks.
And then - it was over. Graduation day, we called it. As each one finished their last IV and their PICC line was removed, pictures were taken, contact information exchanged, hugs and, yes, a few tears were shed. Back to Colorado, California, Wyoming, Massachusetts, Hawaii...

Hubster came to help me pack up. It's amazing how one can accumulate so much extra in just three weeks.
One last trek down the mountain, and just for good measure to remind me that I'm glad I don't have to make the trip again, it rained. In the middle of a rain cloud rain. The kind that makes you wonder if they should install turbo drive on the windshield wipers. That kind of rain.

So now I'm home with my new best friends for 3 months. These guys pretty much took over the house...and my life. Some I swallow before a meal, some with a meal and some - after. Yellow ones, brown ones, white ones.
But lets face it, the alternative - you know - eight hours per day hooked up to poisons dripping into my defenseless body for 6 to 8 months...
This is a picnic at the park.
My tumor is located in a spot that makes it uncomfortable to stand and walk at times. As the treatment hits its mark, the tumor will expand and shrink. This is the nature of the beastie.
I just began my low dose oral chemo. 3 times a day for a week, and then a week off. This continues with all my BFF supplements for 3 months. Then...
Cancer free?
That's what the doctor ordered. That's what we're all hoping and praying and working for.
Time will tell.

Week One. It's a Wrap

"You're in the front row of the chorus line."
I like these words.
At the end of my first week, Dr F gives me the low-down on my blood tests.
They look good. Very good.
I leave the Center with a spring in my step and a big smile on my face. My first week - in the can. My body is responding, G~d is on His throne, and all's right with the world.

My schlep down the hill is uneventful. Two hours later, I pull into my driveway.
I'm home. My house, my family, my bed. Ahhhhhh.
From Friday evening to Sunday afternoon, I can relax. No infusions.

Hubster and One and Only Son prepare Shabbat dinner while I hang out on the couch. You know, I could get used to this. Costco rotisserie chicken and artichokes hit the spot. Yes, I'm a blessed woman.
 And there's more.
On Saturday evening, after a restful Shabbat day of napping, I'm treated to dinner, gifts and lots of love from Lovely Daughter, Son-In-Love, a pile of Grands (count them...5), Hubster and One and Only Son. Pre-Mother's Day, don't you know.
And there's more.
On Sunday, I'm loved on by 3 more Grands.

But now, I must pack up and take my leave. It's been a delightful weekend - too short.
Time to return to Century Wellness Center for my second week.

On Monday, the routine begins again. I meet with Dr I for an exam. All my innards are good and healthy. Recovery is progressing as planned.
As I enter the infusion room, my IV friends are there too. We've all survived our weekend, and we greet each other like college buddies returning from our weekends. We catch each other up with our stories.
Back to the business of healing.

On Tuesday, I meet with Dr M. Such a treat. His upbeat manner is good for the body and soul.
We talk about the weekend and he gives me the blood report from the test taken on Monday.
Yup, my little blood soldiers are doing their job - everyone from the Lieutenants to the Special Forces. All are carrying out their duties.
It's chemo day. Finger pokes and orange juice. Within 2 hours, I'm done.
It's a windy day. I'm ready for a little nap before I venture out to Whole Foods.

My mind goes back to the infusion room at the hospital and I can't help but become sad. Very sick people, curled up in blankets, alone and silent, enduring yet more bags of chemotherapy. Most will be there for 6 to 8 hours. And then there are the ones confined to beds in the cancer ward. Hair gone, strength gone; and many with no hope of recovery. They've given up, biding their time until their bodies can't take the stress of more poison.
Is conventional Western medicine really in the business to save lives...
I wonder.
Next: My friends and their stories.

The Time Has Come

The day has arrived. Chaim is ready. Hubster and Lovely Daughter will join me on the trip to settle me in.
"Are you nervous?" asks Lovely Daughter.
"Yes. But I'm also excited."
 So much prayer and preparation has gone into this adventure. I know the L~rd has arranged it to happen. And I know there has been opposition from the enemy of our souls. I've had a few melt downs as I second guessed, wondered how it would all work out - worried how we'd finance it all. Things are still up in the air, but it's time to take that walk of faith. Here we are. Ready to go.

After unloading the car into my spacious studio Residence Inn room, we were off to a Sunday buffet. The food was abundant. As you can see, Chaim approved of my first course.

On the way back we hit up the local Trader Joe's to fill my kitchen.

The afternoon went by fast. It was time for Hubster and Lovely Daughter to return home. Although I knew I would make the trek back down the hill on Friday for the weekend, it was hard to say good-bye.
Although I've gone solo in Israel on several occasions, this would be different. Time to be brave and all that...
And besides, I wouldn't be alone. The G~d of angel armies had His hand on my shoulder. One last, "I love you". One more hug. The door closed.

Time to settle in.
Chaim and I pulled up a pillow. Turkey BLT and a cup of tea while watching Call The Midwife.

Next time:
A new day is a dawnin'.
You Can Help!

The Stats Are In

The stats are in.
My blood was separated, isolated and amalgamated. The cancer cells received chemotherapies and nutrients to see which ones responded. Imagine that, all done in little glass tubes without touching my healthy cells. Instead of bombarding my body with a huge dose of what may or may not work and hoping for the best, it was all done in the comfort of a lab.

Now the battle plan is in order. Time to prepare the arsenal.
2 chemos and and 17 nutrients.
Because cancer feeds on sugar, my body will be denied the pleasure. The cancer cells will cry out for food - aka sugar and the little receptors will be like baby birds with their tiny beaks wide open. Insulin will be infused with chemo and like a trojan horse the cancer cells will greedily open their doors wide when they see the "food" a-comin'. Ka-blam! All my other cells will be doing what they normally do, thriving and living while the cancer cells are filled full of the tiny warriors with one purpose - death and destruction.
Only around 10% of chemo is needed because they are targeting only cancer cells. I won't be plagued with side effects. And that's not all... I'll have the 17 nutrients acting as the repair and rebuild crew to shore up the walls. l have a 90% chance of full recovery. Now that's a good deal!
My little explanation of treatment is very elementary, but I think you get the point. Lots of bang for my buck. Lots of hope for the future. I have much living yet to do!

On May 3rd, Hubster and darling daughter will load up the covered wagon and ship me and Chaim across the mountain pass to my new digs.
But first...
PICCn' and grinnin'.  Somebody Help the Girl GiveForward Fundraiser

One Thing Leads to Another

Time for the end of treatment pow-wow with Doctor Y.
We go over the new blood test results. They look good. My body has responded well to the treatments. But...
Cancer markers still indicate bad boy cells are lurking, like a criminal hiding in the closet waiting to attack when the guard is down.
We talk about my options. I still need a second opinion and a repeat CT scan from the HMO provider. I'm under the impression that surgery is my first course of action now that my immune system is in tip top shape.
She mentions a doctor she'd met at a naturopathic cancer convention she recently attended. She's impressed with what she hears. His treatments sound promising. His patients are getting well. I take down his name so I can research. I know it will be pricey, and my HMO will not cover it, but it won't hurt to check it out. After all, once the surgery is completed I'll be "strongly encouraged" to follow through with the chemo/radiation protocol.
It's December. Not only is Chanukkah around the corner, but I'm dealing with my bout of tonsillitis. I decide to wait until January to continue the cancer battle.

Fast forward to March.
I've met with my second opinion, Dr. S. That was a disaster.
I've had my second CT scan. Everything looks pretty good.
I've had a third opinion visit with a gastrointeroligist. He spells out the reason that I need chemo/radiation before surgery, and tells me that I might not have to have surgery at all if we can shrink the tumor. Although I'm encouraged by the news, it still boils down to my HMO wanting me to undergo their prescribed treatment.
Time to check out the doctor and clinic Dr. Y told me about.
Everything I've read sounds promising. All the reviews from past patients encourages me. But here's the catch... it will cost way more than we can afford. It seems like an impossible dream.
I'm reminded that nothing is impossible if G~d is involved, so I once again lay the "letter" before Him.
"Here it is, L~rd. These are my options. I know what I want, but it's up to You. You know what's best, no matter what."
Gulp.
That's a hard prayer to pray knowing that G~d might lead me to the HMO rather than the cancer center.
Waiting is not one of my strong suits. I'd much prefer one of those "ahhhhhhh" moments with ethereal music and an audible Voice. I figure, though, if I did get one, I wouldn't know what to do, so I waited.
It started with an email from a writer friend. We don't communicate very often. She told me that she "happened" to talk with an acquaintance who "happened" to mention that she just returned from this same cancer center I was interested in. I had just "happened" to send out a prayer request to a private prayer group that my friend belonged to and she knew I was interested in it. Short story long... this acquaintance of my friend contacted me. She was very impressed with her treatment and the staff and encouraged me to proceed with my inquiry into the clinic. Then a few days later, another lady in the prayer group read my request and mentioned that her son had gone to the clinic several years before and again, the report was positive.
I had my answer.

Next: Let's do this!
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Onward and Upward

One year.

One year since Dr. Little Black Cloud breezed into the recovery bay and delivered her now famous line,"we have a problem, you have cancer."
I wish I could report that I am now cancer free and training for the Boston marathon. Or that I'm featured in a new book - How to Beat Cancer Without Giving Up the Foods You Love.
But I still have the nasty little beastie hanging out in my southern hemisphere. The tumor is still compromising my sphincter muscles. I haven't moved back to Mitford.

But, here's what has happened in the course of the year.

Every few months, I had follow-up full meal deal blood tests. And the results?
My body was getting healthier.
How can it do that? You still have cancer?
My cells began working together, like a herd of elephants protecting a little one. They banded together to protect and defend. Unlike conventional chemotherapy that cannot differentiate between the good, the bad and the ugly, and destroys everything in it's path, the IV therapy and supplements I received helped the healthy cells get stronger. My immune system was not compromised. On the contrary, it took on new powers to keep the cancer from spreading.
I endured the seasonal maladies - colds and such the same way I had before my diagnosis. I had the usual week of the cruds, and then it cleared up. In fact, in December I went through a bout of tonsillitis. And although it was miserable for a few weeks, I got over it without any setbacks. My immune system fought like little troupers and won.
My follow-up CT scan showed no noticeable changes. No mastitis to other organs.
For having cancer, I'm one healthy chick. Go figure.

And now? What does my future hold?
Glad you asked.
I'm embarking on a new healing journey. Or, really, not new at all, but the next phase in the adventure.
I'd like to introduce you to my new friend, Chaim.
Chaim in Hebrew means - life.
He will be joining me as I post future blogs.
I've reported on my past road trips - girl friend road trips and Israel road trips. This one is called - a healing road trip.

Next: It begins with a suggestion.
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And It's Tasty Too.

Vitameatavegamin... And it's tasty too. The next salvo in my arsenal of weaponry...
Actually, it's called PolyMVA.

 "A unique formulation contains a proprietary complex of Alpha-Lipoic Acid and the mineral palladium (which we refer to as LAPd), Vitamins
B1, B2 and B12, Formylmethionine, N-Acetyl Cystiene, and trace amounts of Molybdenum, Rhodium, and Ruthenium. It is designed to provide energy for compromised body systems by targeting the energy charge transfer mechanism of our cells (the mitochondria) while protecting them as well from free radicals." (PolyMVA website)

All those big, $5 words to say it's like re-charging your cells with energy. Makes them into mini superheros to fight the bad-guy cancer cells.

The protocol began with an oral dosage - and I will not lie, the stuff tastes nasty. Thankfully, it's only 2 teaspoons at a time, and with coconut or almond milk and a drop of stevia, it goes down better...like...like a spoon full of sugar! Or not.

I moved on to an IV bag of the stuff. Tuesday and Thursday, I'd schlep to the clinic for a 2 hour drip. It looks like Dr. Pepper or root beer in bag form. Then I did an IV chaser of Myers - or Mountain Dew. 

My body drank in the brew  and smiled. My veins, however were getting rather tired of the whole thing. By this time I'm into my ninth month of needle pokes. The ol' veins started playing a game of hide and seek or smoosh. The needle would approach, and the vein began to crawl away or scrunch down and hide. We could hear the little dudes with their tiny voices, "noooooooo. Run away, run away."

I elaborate more in this past blog, FIVE POKES AND A PUPPY

In December, the four month IV PolyMVA protocol ended. No more pokes, no more bags. I would, however continue my diet, vitamins and minerals and oral PolyMVA. Now it was time to see how my body responded to all the "real medicine". Would Dr. M and Dr. S gloat and smirk if my body didn't respond and I began to fall apart because I didn't go the conventional route? Would I be "another statistic" of holistic healing gone bad?

Next: Numbers and images tell the truth.
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Real Medicine

♫ Let’s start at the very beginning, it’s a very good place to start… ♫

It's a whole different ballgame when you enter a healing place for yourself instead of a loved one. Now I was the one sitting across from Doctor Y. I was the one having my vitals checked, records created - telling my story and my ultimate goal for recovery. This was now my fight, hearing battle plans with life or death consequences. It was for real, now.

First line of defense - a no stone untouched blood workup. Not just the bare minimum CBC test, but a full meal deal, dessert included panel. Since this was all out of my pocket, no insurance company was involved in deciding how little to get away with. No, I got bang for my buck.

 Based on the results I got a complete diet change and introduction of vitamins and minerals to boost my immune system and correct the areas that needed help. I got a two plus hour block of time with my doctor. I listened to her, and she listened to me. At the end of our session, I walked out of her office armed with an arsenal of weapons to kick my nasty little enemy in the touchas (pun intended), along with hope and a warm enveloping hug. Oh, and remember in my last blog where I wondered why I didn't get to sit in the doctor's office with the desk, but instead had to do the "results" chat on the narrow hard exam table? Dr. Y's office had a bonafide desk and padded chair. 

As I mentioned in my blog - Carbs and Salads:

 http://verbalismbuffet.blogspot.com/2015/03/what-wouldnt-we-give-for-that-extra-bit.html

Out went my favorite pasta dishes, baked potatoes and warm toasty bread. In came salads and green vegetables - lots of them. But my body welcomed it - like it was just waiting for me to get the wake up call.

Next course of action was to introduce my body to some hard core treatments. IV therapy.

Yup, needles in the veins, three times a week.

We began with vitamin C and Myers.

Although the body can't absorb the high levels of vitamin C orally, and can have some pretty negative affects, given in IV form, it goes directly into the blood stream. Unlike conventional chemotherapy which indiscriminately kills all cells - cancer and healthy ones alike, vitamin C targets only the cancer cells. 

Along with vitamin C, I was given a Myers cocktail. No, not a fancy colorful drink with floating fruit and an umbrella. This little number includes magnesium, selenium, vitamin C, B vitamins and calcium. It helps boost the body's immune system and helps it fight the cancer. 

Each treatment took between 2 to 3 hours depending on the IV drip speed. With recliners, a movie or soft, relaxing music and conversation with those around, the atmosphere was comfortable. And there were times when a nice afternoon nap came in handy. 

No gurneys, beeping machines, antiseptic smells. Call it a spa for the veins. I'm sure there might even be clinics where a mani/pedi is available.

Next: But wait...there's more!

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Will the Real Medicine Please Stand Up

My HMO wants me to thrive...as long as I play by their rules. And I guess that's only fair. It's their dime. Well, theirs and the bigger picture corporations that own them.

Time to turn the corner and follow the road less traveled.

This is an overview of naturopathic medicine according to the American Cancer Society.
"Naturopathic medicine is a complete alternative care system that uses a wide range of approaches such as nutrition, herbs, manipulation of the body, exercise, stress reduction, and acupuncture. Parts of naturopathy are sometimes used as complementary therapy along with mainstream medicine. Naturopathic medicine is a holistic approach (meaning it is intended to treat the whole person) that tries to enlist the healing power of the body and nature to fight disease."
Sounds good. Looks like they've done their research.
However, this comes next:
"Available scientific evidence does not support claims that naturopathic medicine can cure cancer or any other disease, since virtually (underline mine) no studies on naturopathy as a whole have been published. The individual methods used by naturopathic medicine vary in their effectiveness. Homeopathy, for instance, has been shown in studies to be of little value. Other naturopathic methods have been shown to help in prevention and symptom management. Examples include diet for lowering the risk of severe illnesses such as heart disease and cancer and counseling, relaxation, and herbs to help reduce anxiety.
Available scientific evidence does not support claims that naturopathic medicine is effective for most health problems. Most of the claims of effectiveness are based on individual cases, medical records, and summaries of practitioners’ clinical experiences."

Who's scientific evidence are we talking about? Large insurance HMO's? The pharmaceutical industry? Who's studies are they speaking of?

If millions of dollars goes into cancer research yearly, why are more people dying from the various forms of the disease?

Wouldn't individual cases, medical records and summaries of practitioners' clinical experiences give an accurate picture of results?

These were the questions I asked myself as I pursued the path of healing.

Considering that the people who hold the purse strings of the American health industry go to no lengths to discredit naturopathic medicine, I reasoned that there might be more to it than meets the eye. Perhaps if there was a cure for cancer - the American Cancer Society would be out of a job (and if you do an internet search, you'll find out where the millions of dollars really go). If there is a cure for cancer from natural elements - food we eat, vitamins and minerals found all around us, free for the taking, the pharmaceutical industry would take a big hit. 

Time to do my own research. Time to find answers.

This is a short list of books I read. The puzzle pieces were beginning to fit into place.

• Five to Thrive - Lise Alschuler, Karolyn A Gazella
• Defeat Cancer: 15 Doctors of Integrative and Naturopathic Medicine Tell You How - Connie Strasheim
• Knockout: Interviews With Doctors Who Are Curing Cancer - Suzanne Somers

And these are the websites I found helpful.

• http://www.integrativeonc.org/
• http://www.oncanp.org/

And then there were the reports of chemotherapy and radiation treatments I read about, and heard from family and friends. Most were not favorable. Most spoke of mental and physical suffering. Most shared that the quality of their lives took a nosedive. Many battled their cancer - some for years - the end result - they died. Many shared that their initial cancer was defeated only to come back in another area of their bodies with vengeance. 

After placing everything I'd heard and read and studied on a scale, the balance was tipped.

Next: Diving in head first.
Please partner with us in this healing journey.
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Seconds Please

One of my last attempts to make friends with the conventional medical world through my HMO was the decision to get a second opinion. My naturopathic doctor encouraged me in this regard. She told me to shop around within our three HMO covered hospitals in our city for a surgeon that might be more innovative. One that was up on the newest procedures and technology. One that would take the time to listen to me, and perhaps validate my decisions. I studied physician bios, both their education and personal pages. Then I sent three names and bios to Doctor Y for her perusal. I told her to read between the doctor speak and promos to see if one seemed doable.
We narrowed it down to one and I made the call. But unlike a page from a feel good novel, the news I received was real world time. This doctor didn't deal with my surgical needs (even though his bio said he did). The office recommended another surgeon.
Ah yes, Doctor S.
The exam was conducted with two medical students at his side (which I did give approval for - after all they need to learn their craft). I felt, however that I was being used as the specimen - the teaching cadaver. All conversation was around me. Dr. S slapped on the white glove and did his exam (I'll spare you details) followed by one med student's white glove. She wasn't practiced in the fine art of patient comfort. Don't ask me why med student #2 was there. Just observing, I guess. And then they discussed their "findings" above my head. I was instructed to meet them in another room for their assessment.  So I went from one examining room to another. I hopped on another exam table - which I always wonder - why do people in TV shows and movies get their results in posh offices with the Divine Doctor sitting at the big wood desk and patient sitting in a padded chair? The doctor and his entourage swept in, Dr. S sat on one of those fun little twirly chairs while Thing 1 and Thing 2 stood, back to the counter, arms folded and nodded as he gave his proclamation.
I now "probably" had stage 4 cancer and the tumor had "probably" invaded another part of my body by what they felt during the exam.
Well, that's a fine, "how-do-you-do."
I tried to show him my latest blood tests (which, by this time I'm well into my naturopathic treatments). It showed that the cancer had not spread. Because they were not done at sacred HMO labs, he gave them a 5 second glance and told me I needed chemo and radiation. He started to pull out the same pamphlet I was given by surgeon #1. Standard procedure, I guess. I declined, thanked him for his time and told him I would keep in touch.
He ordered me another CT scan, which I needed. After all, HMO will pay for this.
However, the contrast dye he ordered, is not even used anymore. I had to go through my GP to get the right one.
Skipping ahead in my story.
After the CT scan was complete, the results went to Dr. S. I received a phone call from him personally to give me the results. Thankfully my GP doctor sent me a copy of the written results before the phone call. And, thankfully, the results showed no significant changes except for the "suspicious" lymph node had gotten a little larger. Everything else looked good.
This is what Dr. S presented to me. I "probably" had stage 4 rectal cancer now and instead of the tumor invading the one area he mentioned in my initial 2nd opinion visit about 6 months before, he now decided it had "probably" invaded my groin. I needed chemo and radiation.
By now my blood pressure was pretty dang elevated and I tried to keep my voice steady and polite as I informed him that his interpretations and mine of the findings were quite different. When I told him I was in the care of a naturopathic doctor, and the treatments were helping me, he asked me when I was going to use "real medicine". Yup, his exact words.
Next: Real Medicine
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Healer, Heal Me

Hubster and I belong to a large corporate HMO provided through his place of employment. We have benefited from it greatly. Both he and I have seen the inside of the ER, logged up plenty of doctor visits for various illnesses and injuries and taken advantage of their pharmacy and radiology departments. So in no way do I wish ill will or mass destruction on the institution. They have served us well.
But... when I received my cancer diagnosis, I knew I had to be well informed about treatments and procedures. This was a major life changing decision I would make - one that would impact not only me but my circle of family and friends. I needed to explore all my options.
After the conventional medicine follow-up tests, I was immediately placed in the cue for appointments with a surgeon and oncologist and offered a visit to a radiologist. I turned that one down. I was getting overwhelmed.
Conventional medicine offers the trinity of treatment for cancer - chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Sad to say, it is also known as cut, poison and burn.
Each doctor presents their method of treatment much like one would sell you a time share. You go in their office, and after the prescribed welcome hand shake, they sit you down, tell you that you need their services and if you don't take advantage of their offer within 24 hours, your window of opportunity will be gone - oh and so will you...
Doctor Surgeon told me I had stage 3 cancer, needed surgery and gave me the colorful pleasant pamphlet showing the different methods of cutting out your colon, depending on where the cancer is located. The pictures showed happy, smiling doctors with happy, smiling patients before and after the procedure - oh, they were all artist rendered pictures - and gave a brief description of what would take place. Reminded me of the pamphlets you get when you buy into the new housing subdivision, shiny  new houses with shiny new lawns and pretty flowers. What they don't show you is how your subdivision is really going to look like when they are behind schedule and you still only have a foundation sunk in mud two months after you were scheduled to move in.

My picture showed a happy lady looking at her colostomy bag like it was a tattoo. Neat and easy.
I figured by the steady, controlled look on Doctor Surgeon's face that she was familiar with doing the surgery, but not so much the aftermath of what her patients went through after the deed was done.
After her pitch, I kindly let her know that I was contemplating a naturopathic approach, gave her my research findings and assured her that I was under the care of a licensed educated naturopathic doctor and not doing the witch doctor approach with bones and eyes of newt. Her eyes took on a glazed and guarded look, let me know that there was no founded studies "out there" that supported naturopathic cancer treatments, told me that she could not accept my decision and sent me on my way with a pronouncement that I'd probably be back like the others too sick for her to save.
My next appointment was with the oncologist. He was an older, serious man who cut to the chase, told me  he'd read Dr. Surgeon's report and knew of my "alternative treatment plan". He offered me his treatment - 5-FU chemotherapy along with radiation at the same time. He told me that there would be side effects - hair loss, nausea, diarrhea, severe anemia, low immunity to other illnesses, and although they don't know why, my hands and feet would turn red and blister. Oh, and the radiation? Just imagine an enema with acid... need I say more? He sent me on my way with a little more compassion. He let me know he could not agree with my alternative approach, but wished me well and would support my decision - because it was my decision.
So, I came away thinking - I have a better chance of dying from the treatments rather than the cancer.
Next: Healer, Heal Me - Part 2

Carbs and Salads

What wouldn't we give for

That extra bit more

That's all we live for

Why should we be fated to do

Nothing but brood on food

Magical food,

Wonderful food,

Heavenly food,

Beautiful food,

Food, Glourious food glororious fooooooood

What are we waiting for?.............FOOOOOOODDD!

Lyrics from Oliver

I'm a bit of a foodie. 

I enjoy cooking it and eating it. I enjoy watching the Food Chanel even if I can't eat much of what they prepare. Needless to say, before my "adventure", my weight was a wee tad on the heaver side of optimum for my height. My blood pressure - on the higher side of normal.

After Hubster had his heart attack, see link - http://verbalismbuffet.blogspot.com/2013/07/have-heart.html I decided that we would face the music. Our diet - although not bad, needed an adjustment. We began with smaller portions and more fruit and veggies.  We both lost a little weight. Off to a good start.

And then my world flipped upside down in January of 2014 with the cancer diagnosis. I knew it was all out war. Cancer or me. One was going down. I'm a fighter. Ain't no cancer gonna do me in. 
First course of action - vitamins and minerals to strengthen my immune system and extreme diet change. My naturopathic doctor (ND) put me on a reeeeally low carb diet. We're talkin' 35 grams a day low carb diet. 

If you go online, you'll get conventional doctors who argue that sugar does not feed cancer. Of course most of them in their medical studies are not required to take nutrition classes. On the other hand, naturopathic doctors do study nutrition. They understand the connection between what we eat and how our bodies process what we put in our mouths. Seems like a no brainer to me. 

Simple carbs turn into sugar. http://howtothinkthin.com/instincts2.htm
 Bottom line. Cancer does feed on sugar. http://www.naturalnews.com/024827_cancer_sugar_women.html
 So what does a low carb diet look like? At first - hell. No pasta, starches (potatoes, rice) bread, sweets, fruit - comfort food. Out went mac and cheese and cheese cake. Spaghetti Factory and Olive Garden? Nope. Instead, the salad bar became my best friend. And you know what? My body began to thank me. I lost a ton of weight. The pounds melted off of me. I began to feel better and had more energy. Sure it was hard. 

I whined a lot - glared at people who slurped down spaghetti noodles and chased it with thick slices of sour dough bread.

There were melt downs when fast fix chemo/radiation seemed better. Get it over with. Fill me with poisonous chemicals and  burning radiation. But thankfully the voice of reason (aka G~d) would remind me that His ways for me might be long and hard and restrictive, but in the long run, best. Did I want side effects which produce side effects or did I want one step at a time healthy alternatives that might take a lifetime? Quality of life won. And let me stop right here for a moment. I am not advocating my choices for everyone. This is the direction, after much prayer and thought, I have chosen to go. If you are or have gone the chemo/radiation route, may you have much success. May your life be full and long. We're all in a journey. This is the direction I'm to go in.
Next: So what treatment are you doing? 

Trust In The LORD

"Cancer is but one of the many ways the body tries to change the way you see and treat yourself, including your body. This inevitably brings up the subject of spiritual health, which plays at least as important a role in cancer as physical and emotional reasons do."  Andreas Moritz

I have choices and I have time. I have Heaven on my side, and I have people who care for me.

I knew I couldn't be pressured into making life changing decisions without lots of prayer and support.  

My surgeon, void of compassion, gave me the grim battle plan. Due to the nature of where the mass is located, I would have to endure chemo (hair loss, blisters on my hands and feet, nausea, diarrhea...) and radiation (think an acid enema - chemical burn in the place the sun don't shine) at the same time, then, the lower portion of my colon (rectum) removed and for the rest of my life have to wear a colostomy bag. And yes, I know that there are worse things others deal with and, yes, if this is my fate, I'll woman up and deal with it. 

Everything was said, probed, tested and done. The ball was in my court.

I have Heaven on my side.

My first course of action was to take Hezekiah's example. He was a King in Israel and received bad news.

And Hezekiah received the letter from the hand of the messengers, and read it; and Hezekiah went up unto the house of the LORD, and spread it before the LORD. 

  And Hezekiah prayed unto the LORD...   Isaiah 37:14-15

Then I waited. 

 G~d is faithful.

I began to receive verses from scripture. Not the hunt around and find something kind of thing. I've done that before. I ended up with...

Flip, flip, flip, close your eyes, point - "And Judas went and hung himself."

Flip, flip, flip, close your eyes, point - "Go and do likewise."

No, this was the "you know it's a supernatural thing". I'd be watching TV and a scripture reference would pop into my mind. I'd look it up and it would address the very thing I'd just prayed about - mostly a concern or fear. This happened several times.

And I'm not one to hear the voice of G~d on a regular basis.

Along with the verses, I'd be reading - scanning actually, a book or article and something would pop out. Something that addressed the very question I'd just had. Or, my mind would go into a mini melt down and I'd doubt my decisions or path I felt I was to walk, grab one of the books my naturopathic doctor, or a friend 

had recommended, open a random page and, bingo, the sentence that addressed my concern would jump out at me. 

Coincidence or coinkidinkles? Nope.

Next: I have people who care.

Timing is Everything

I'd always regarded naturopathic or holistic methods of healing good for others, but not for me. Not that I disagreed with it, but I watched my friends go that route, and frankly, watching them shove a handful of vitamins down their throat at every meal seemed like such a chore. It was expensive and time consuming with all the dietary changes. Too restrictive, I concluded. 
And then, my son got very ill, and his place of employment didn't provide medical insurance.
We visited several ERs within the year and the treatment was the same. No insurance? "Sure we have to treat you, but you'll get minimal care. We'll throw you some pain meds because that's what you want - everyone does, that's the real reason you're here. And you'll leave without answers, or solutions. And, oh, by the way, we will demand you pay us for our shoddy treatment. Have a nice day."

My mother bear instincts kicked in. On the internet I went. Let's give this naturopatic medicine a try. If we're going to pay out of pocket anyway, what have we got to lose. We found a possible clinic and took advantage of their 15 minute free consultation.
We found a fit. Treatments began and we saw improvement. But more important, we found people who really did care about my son and his well being. 

So now, here I am. A grim diagnosis - a grim treatment plan. "Sure we can fix you, but it might cost you your overall health and quality of life."
Naturopathic treatment would be out of pocket. Expensive. But the forecast was brighter. We'll help your body to heal while you heal. And even if you end up having to go the conventional way down the road, you'll be prepared for it physically. I made the call, took advantage of their 15 minute free consultation, chose a doctor and began baby steps towards recovery.  Along with the handful of vitamins and minerals I took everyday, and a major diet adjustment, I received what I consider a lifeline. I was given empowerment, and tools. Books to read about taking back my own health by my lifestyle, diet, attitudes, mindsets. I was directed to studies that the money backed political agenda groups don't provide. Research that is being conducted daily, small studies on small budgets showing that there are indeed other ways to cure cancer. Reports from real people with real health issues that show promise. Reports from doctors who have been shunned by their colleagues because they exposed the medical industry for what it can become when money is the prize.
I received all this along with hugs and encouragement, and staff who cared about little ol' me.

It seems though, when G~d shows up, so does the enemy. In spite of all my positive

progress, I still had melt down moments. Without warning, the "little black cloud" would materialize and I'd start to panic. "What if I'm not hearing from G~d after all. What if this treatment plan is causing more harm than good? 
Once again, I used my weapon of choice - my go to prayer - "Help!!!!
Next: Body, soul and spirit - the connection.

The Waiting Room

 But in my mind I keep returning to something, something that gives me hope - 

 that the grace of ADONAI is not exhausted, that his compassion has not ended. 

 [On the contrary,] they are new every morning! How great your faithfulness! 

 "ADONAI is all I have," I say; "therefore I will put my hope in him. 

 ADONAI is good to those waiting for him, to those who are seeking him out. 

 It is good to wait patiently for the saving help of ADONAI.

  Lamentations 3:21-26

I'm not much good at waiting. And I prefer the easy way. That's why I love writing. I can create a character, give them conflict and then - just like that - give them solutions. And they live happily ever after.

I woke up on Monday morning, after a weekend of denial and acceptance and denial and acceptance to realize, it wasn't a bad dream. I now had a frenemy to live with. THE DIAGNOSIS. 

Every time the phone rang, adrenaline shot through my body. Fight or flight. I could just not answer the phone if it was from the GI department, or radiology or the surgeon's office - flight. Or I could face it headlong and make appointments. I made appointments. Fight. In the next few weeks I was poked and prodded - white gloves and white coats. Every time I met with a medical provider, I wanted someone to say, "I can't find anything. You don't have cancer." I needed someone to give me hope.
 It was there - hope, small, but it was there. No doctor whisked me away to ICU saying I would die without immediate care. In fact, they all made it clear that although it was serious, very serious, and I shouldn't put off treatment - the sooner the better, and no one came out and said, "you have time to process this before making decisions", but I felt at peace with waiting. Okay I could live with that. I had time. Time to think, pray, straegise. Hope. 
Of course, dealing with a large HMO, they have their protocol. They offer you what they've been trained to do. Dealing with cancer, your only option is the BIG 3. Chemotherapy, radiation and surgery. Red flags began to unfurl. Did I want to give my body over to something that would destroy so much just to (hopefully) cure me?
I finished the battery of tests. Hubster and I knew there was only one thing to do...
L~rd help!! Where do we go from here??
Next: Who do I believe?

Uncharted Territory

 You know when I sit and when I stand up, you discern my inclinations from afar,

 you scrutinize my daily activities. You are so familiar with all my ways 

 that before I speak even a word, ADONAI, you know all about it already. 

 You have hemmed me in both behind and in front and laid your hand on me. 

 Such wonderful knowledge is beyond me, far too high for me to reach. 

 Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 

 If I climb up to heaven, you are there; if I lie down in Sh'ol, you are there. 

 If I fly away with the wings of the dawn and land beyond the sea, 

 even there your hand would lead me, your right hand would hold me fast. 

 If I say, "Let darkness surround me, let the light around me be night, 

even darkness like this is not too dark for you; rather, night is as clear as day, darkness and light are the same.

Psalm 139:2-12

"We have a problem, you have cancer."

Those words echoed over and over in my mind. I'm a looper. It can be a curse.

Some people take bad news, store it away in a mind box and pull it out only when needed. They don't feel it necessary to think about it until it's time. That's not me. I take a phrase or memory and put it in a mind hamster wheel. Then I throw in the little beastie and watch it run...and run...and run. 

By the time the sun arose the morning after "the news", I'd gone through all five stages of grief - several times. I denied it. Maybe Dr P spoke out of turn and only thought she saw something wrong. Next came anger. How dare she destroy my life in a few moments. How cruel can someone be? Followed by the "if only" game. If only I'd had this checked out sooner. If only I'd chosen another doctor to run the test. If only... Depression sunk me into another period of fitful tossing and turning. I have cancer. Will I die? Does G~d even hear me when I cry out to Him?

Then after a mostly sleepless night, I came to the conclusion that I could handle this. G~d is with me and will see me through. I'll just take one step at a time. Acceptance.

It was Shabbat. A day of rest for body, mind and soul. I determined to get up and try to be strong and brave. 

I knew I was now thrust on a new journey. Uncharted territory. Huge overwhelming mountains, deep valleys. I can do this. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This. 

Throughout the day I flopped between courage and fear. Like I said. I'm a looper.

Next: Tools for the battle.

The Mitford Life

 Marta's Journey. I've ambled here and there in my posts. A little commentary, a recipe or two, day to day happenings... For the most part it reads like a Jan Karon Mitford book. For those not familiar with the Mitford series, which by the way I highly recommend, Father Tim is an Episcopal priest and lives in a small bucolic town in North Carolina. That about sums it up. He has adventures, a small crisis or two, a few highlights, but overall, his life is pretty level. That's why I love reading these books.
What I see on TV, or scroll through on my Facebook page can turn a fairly decent day into a death spiral in a matter of minutes. I get weary of angst and carnage bombarding my eyes and ears, especially when I don't seek it out. So, yes, call me Pollyanna and I enjoy wearing rose colored glasses, thank you very much.

However, I've now been torn out of Mitford, North Carolina and plopped smack dab in New York City - the bad side, during a blizzard and garbage strike.

My new journey began a year ago in January. I've had issues down in the south end of my body for quite awhile. Diagnosed with the dreaded hemorrhoid, I figured this was my cross to bear and moved on with life. Come January, I had to endure the even more dreaded (cue da-da da dah music) colonoscopy. Yes, sends shivers down the spine of even the most hardy soul. I'll spare you the details of it all (and the collective "thank you" was heard 'round the world). But suffice it to say, the prep is worse than the procedure (well kind of).
I had one of those comedy of error moments going into the procedure, though. About a half hour before I scheduled myself to leave for the hospital, which thank goodness is only about a fourth mile from our house, I got a frantic call from the GI department.
"Where are you?"
"Um, at home?"
"You are suppose to have been here a half hour ago! Your procedure is scheduled to begin in fifteen minutes. We need to prep you."
There we go with that prep thing again. Not good. Not good at all.
Hubster and I dash out the door, arrive in record time, check in at the GI desk and I'm met by Frantic Nurse. I throw my purse at Hubster and am whisked away down the hall and through the "not for public" doors into the pre/post op ward for a quickie prep (vitals, IV and disclosure of any information needed to insure I don't flat line on the table). At this point, I don't have time to worry or panic, which was probably a G~d send.

Fast forward about one hour later (give or take because they drugged me), I emerge from quasi la la land and my gastroenterologist is looking down upon me. Now, I haven't watched many episodes of House, but I know Dr House has a reputation for being blunt, irreverent and a bit rude.
 I met his sister.
I'm not sure if she asked how I was, I don't think so, but her pronouncement was, well, a bit blunt, irreverent and rude.
"We have a problem. You have cancer."

Just like that. No beating around the bush with this one. No, "I saw something suspicious and want you to get further testing". Not even a "why don't you go home a sit on it for a day, we'll get to the bottom of this soon". She gave me the usual post-procedure pep talk, encouraged me to get a CT scan and ultrasound mass measurement, an oncologist and surgeon, shook mine and Hubster's hand and wished us luck.

Next: Now What? or I Think I'd Like to Wake Up From This Nightmare Now, Thank You.