Uncharted Territory

 You know when I sit and when I stand up, you discern my inclinations from afar,

 you scrutinize my daily activities. You are so familiar with all my ways 

 that before I speak even a word, ADONAI, you know all about it already. 

 You have hemmed me in both behind and in front and laid your hand on me. 

 Such wonderful knowledge is beyond me, far too high for me to reach. 

 Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? 

 If I climb up to heaven, you are there; if I lie down in Sh'ol, you are there. 

 If I fly away with the wings of the dawn and land beyond the sea, 

 even there your hand would lead me, your right hand would hold me fast. 

 If I say, "Let darkness surround me, let the light around me be night, 

even darkness like this is not too dark for you; rather, night is as clear as day, darkness and light are the same.

Psalm 139:2-12

"We have a problem, you have cancer."

Those words echoed over and over in my mind. I'm a looper. It can be a curse.

Some people take bad news, store it away in a mind box and pull it out only when needed. They don't feel it necessary to think about it until it's time. That's not me. I take a phrase or memory and put it in a mind hamster wheel. Then I throw in the little beastie and watch it run...and run...and run. 

By the time the sun arose the morning after "the news", I'd gone through all five stages of grief - several times. I denied it. Maybe Dr P spoke out of turn and only thought she saw something wrong. Next came anger. How dare she destroy my life in a few moments. How cruel can someone be? Followed by the "if only" game. If only I'd had this checked out sooner. If only I'd chosen another doctor to run the test. If only... Depression sunk me into another period of fitful tossing and turning. I have cancer. Will I die? Does G~d even hear me when I cry out to Him?

Then after a mostly sleepless night, I came to the conclusion that I could handle this. G~d is with me and will see me through. I'll just take one step at a time. Acceptance.

It was Shabbat. A day of rest for body, mind and soul. I determined to get up and try to be strong and brave. 

I knew I was now thrust on a new journey. Uncharted territory. Huge overwhelming mountains, deep valleys. I can do this. I can do this. I. Can. Do. This. 

Throughout the day I flopped between courage and fear. Like I said. I'm a looper.

Next: Tools for the battle.

People, People Everywhere

Friday in Israel.
Unlike where I live in America, Friday and Saturday are different here. Friday is preparation day because on Saturday - Shabbat or Sabbath, most things close down and people take a day of rest.
Nayna and Papa had shopping to do and knew that by four in the afternoon, stores would close and the buses and sheruts wouldn't be available.
Back to the Hacarmel shuk to find treasures. A sherut ride up Ben Yehuda Street to Allenby Street and we were there.
Wow! I thought it was crowded on Monday, but now EVERYBODY was out shopping. Here's a picture from when Nayna was there several years before. She said not as many people were there then as they were this time.

 The long narrow street was wall to wall people on a mission. People who live in Tel Aviv went to buy food for their Shabbat tables. Tourists were there to find one more good deal before everything closed up. I took one look at it all and burrowed myself into Nayna's purse only to take an occasional peek. And - besides it being a warm morning anyway, all those extra bodies made for discomfort when wearing a fur coat.
Papa and Nayna made their purchases in the main shuk area and then made a mad dash down a side street and out to the open area. On Fridays, people bring their homemade things to sell and set up tables along the street. There were jewelry and toys, paintings and wall hangings, wind chimes and clothing. Anything you could ever want.

After finding our gifts, and one more yummy fruit shake we walked back down Allenby and caught a sherut for Frishman Street - one more time. Nayna had a hankering for a shawarma and knew a place on Ben Yehuda street near the supermarket.

I found out, a shawarma is thinly shaved lamb or turkey meat stuffed into a pita with Israeli salad, sauces and fries piled on top. Okay, my mouth was ready for this treat. But it was closed! As in not there anymore. And so, after a stop in the market for some packaged spices and Bugles chips, we decided to walk to our hotel and find another shawarma place on the way. We walked, and walked, and walked. No shawarma. We were hot and tired and we walked, and walked and walked some more. And then we were at our hotel. Oh bother.
Time for a nap!
More about Shabbat in my next blog.

Airplanes and Hostels Part 3

I look out on the gentle waves of the Mediterranean Sea and sift sand through my toes. I'm on the other side of the world!
Here I am, sitting in a beach chair, sipping a 7-UP before lunch. Trish and I, along with two other gals I've just met are planning a retreat. This beats a stuffy room any day.
While there, Trish gets a phone call from her landlord. There just "happens" to be an apartment available...for a month...at the same price I was paying for the hostel. Time for a little rejoicing.
It's on the third floor, right across from Trish and her husband. And when I say right across, I mean her front door and my front door were about 12 feet from each other. Turns out it was a win-win for both the landlord and me. The previous renter moved out and it would be vacant until the new renter was to come -  in a month. Now it wouldn't sit empty. He was willing to give it to me for $800. The next renter (a family of 4) would be paying $2400 a month. WHA???? Yep. That's what I said. The reason is because the apartment is a block from the Sea.
But before I can have a full blown happy party, I have to cross another big hurdle. I have to convince the owner of the hostel to refund me the money I gave him for my room, minus the two days I've been there already. Impossible you say.
I was sweating bullets.
Armed with a prayer, some moxie and  a lot of chutzpah, I explain that an apartment had opened across from my dear friend Trish and she would looooovvvvve for me to be close to her. Pretty lame, actually, but because he likes her and she sends all her friends and acquaintances to him (I don't think she actually understood the condition of the place or how creepy it was beyond the lobby), he's willing to refund me all but 3 days.

Between Trish and I, we schlep my two large suitcases and backpack about a mile, and up three flights of stairs to my new digs. This is way beyond what I could have imagined.
Now instead of paying $800 for a small, hot room with one double bed, a dresser with an old TV and no bathroom or kitchen, I'm sitting - trying to catch my breath - admiring my fully furnished livingroom, kitchenette, bathroom and bedroom with 2 air conditioners. All the utilities are included.
So - does G~d give a rip when we call out to Him?
You bet He does.
And this is only the beginning of getting to know His heart better.

I'm sitting in a beach chair watching the sun set over the Mediterranean Sea. It's Shabbat. I'm in Israel, on the other side of the world. And I hear Him say, "hold on to your hat sister, there's more in store!"

Walmart and Growing Grass

I'm sitting here at my computer, fingers poised and ready. Time for a new blog. Uh, time for a new blog. I'm wracking my brain for that first sentence. Should I talk about a new way to fix oatmeal? Maybe a life changing quote I found on facebook? I know - I'll talk about my darling children. Oh, wait, that's right, I
don't have five absolutely darling little kids living at home doing absolutely darling things. Yeah, I know I could go on and on about the Grands. They are darling and cute...
  So here's the dilemma. Nuthin's happened to warrant that prize winning blog. My cat hasn't done anything cute for days. And hairballs in hubby's shoes wouldn't be cute anyway.
 The High Holy days are over, and even though the sukkah is still up, we don't eat in it anymore. The weather is steady and pleasant - no major storms to report, or floods to clean up. Could this be the calm before the storm?? Nah.
So here's my story and I'm stickin' to it. 
I got up this morning, ate breakfast - a scrambled egg with mushrooms, brushed my teeth and fixed my hair. Then I went to Walmart.

I did dress up mind you. No jammy pants or short shorts for me. Ooooo, now that's a scary thought...
Our Walmart is probably tame compared to some, but if you eat at the Subway that's tucked inside near the front door, you can have lunch or dinner and a show. Not a bad deal.
 Anyway, I came home, and will soon prepare Shabbat dinner - stuffed bell peppers and cottage cheese. Oh wait... a hummingbird just drank from the feeder...
So in honor of my life at the moment, grab that someone special, and those lawn chairs. Find a comfy place in the grass - and watch it grow.
And stay tuned. Who knows what may happen next.